Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
