some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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