god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
