I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
