I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
