I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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