No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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