Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
