Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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