Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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