i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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