allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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