i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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