kristin has been a bad kristin
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
