I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
