I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
