they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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