Non-Jews are for practice
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
