I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
