I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Are we still banned from the library?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
