his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
