On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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