Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
