tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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