you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
