she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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