"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize