This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
