yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
