my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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