Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
