1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
