the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
