I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
