this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
