Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
