I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
