just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
