whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
