I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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