I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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