Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
