drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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