im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
