That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
