Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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