I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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