I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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