And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
