I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
