I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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