i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
