oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
