How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
