Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
