New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
