My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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