just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Text me some of your sweat
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
