obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize