I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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