I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
