My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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