he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
