also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
