Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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