i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
