I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize