yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
